Sexism in the Punk Scene

If you're a semi-frequent visitor to punknews.org (probably aren't), you may have seen the massive discussions about sexism in the punk scene. They've gotten the girl from P.S. Eliot and two other bands I can't remember to weigh in on the topic, and so far, the consensus seems to be that girls don't feel equal, or even safe, within the punk scene. This has insighted a firestorm of sorts on the comments section, and sexism/whining aside, a few good questions have been asked. Who and what is responsible for sexism in punk? How far should we go to combat it and what should be done? Is it really that big a problem to begin with?

Since comments as massive as the one I'm about to make never get read on message boards, and since nobody I know/who will employ me will ever stumble upon said board, I've decided to blog my opinion on the matter. Here goes.

I don't consider myself a member of any kind of punk “community”, but I do go to a lot of shows, and for the most part they are extremely enjoyable experiences. So when I hear that a sizable portion of the fairer sex can't go to a show and enjoy it in the same capacity I do, it bothers me. I don't believe “girls have no place at shows”; in fact I commend them for indulging and supporting something that isn't usually catered towards them. I also don't believe girls should have to “suck it up and deal with” all the boy's club shit that goes on; rape jokes, sexual harrasment and the like just aren't acceptable. The people responsible for those actions need to cut that shit out. I also guarantee I'm not the only one who thinks like this; at least 80 per cent of guys at shows have no ill will towards women, and don't want them to feel uncomfortable or excluded at a show, or anywhere else for that matter.

So where does the problem come from? It would be easy to blame it on a few lonely misogynist assholes, but I don't really think that's the root of the issue. I think the fault lies (as it does with most gender problems) in a lack of communication.

In order to understand these communication problems, ladies, you have to understand the 'pinnacle of human evolution' that is the male brain. Forget any pretense you may have, it basically comes down to this; we want to eat and fuck. I'm not saying we're incapable of understanding our emotions and displaying empathy towards other people, it's just that we don't pick up on the subtle nuances like you do – we're too busy thinking about eating and fucking. Guess which category we process you under.

The moment we see a girl at a show, our brains instinctively start sizing her up, deciding whether or not to 'go in for the kill' so to speak. And if a guy comes up and starts talking to you, he's decided to go for it. This might seem a little sexist amd demeaning in itself, but good luck on going anywhere other than a gay bar and finding guys who will treat you differently. Unfortunately, you may be subjected to it more at a punk show, but that's because there are fewer girls. Think of it in terms of basic economics – you're just a more valuable commodity than a girl fist bumping to Lady Gaga at a club.

Now lets say hypothetically a guy approaches you at a show. You talk to the him for a bit, give him your number, but decide you don't want anything more than friendship. Since you go to the same shows and probably have a few mutual friends, the two of you might become familiar with each other. Eventually, he'll get that you're not interested, and at this point, you become either an aquantance or a friend. This is the context in which I feel most of the problems lie.

When guys hang out with each other, they communicate much differently than girls do. If you were to read a transcript of some of the conversations I have with my buddies, you'd assume we hate each other's guts. I use a whole arsenal of perjorative terms and phrases when talking to my friends, including a number of racist and homophobic slurs that my superego knows I shouldn't be proliferating. I don't use any of those terms out of anger – quite the opposite; it's a show of admiration. Odd, I know, but that's male bonding for you.

So when we're standing around in a circle of friends at a hardcore show (whose attendees are, for the most part, dudes), it feels perfectly natural for us to call you a “dumb bitch” or ask you to “fetch a sandwich.” We don't realize you aren't used to hearing that kind of shit from your friends, and that you might think we're belittling and insulting you. We don't realize telling you to “suck my cock” might make you uncomfortable; we tell everyone and everything to suck our cocks, the phrase means next to nothing. To us guys, that vernacular is meaningless at worse and said out of admiration at best. We're not trying to hurt your feelings, it's just that once you become one of the guys, it's easy to forget that you're still a girl.

So if that is the problem, what can we do about it?

Well, to misquote Martin Luther King Jr., equality is never voluntarily given by the oppressor – it must be demanded by the oppressed.

In other words, if something's bothering you, speak up. In the case of a joke gone too far, it's probably better to bring it up a bit later. If you go up to the friend who made the comment when he's alone and explain why it bothered you, he'll most likely apologize and try not to do it again. If he doesn't, he's not only sexist, he's an asshole who's not worth your time. The same goes for any other situation. If a guy's touching you in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable, ask him to stop. If he doesn't, tell security. They'll gladly fix the problem for you. If you're in a band and a promoter/engineer/whoever else is making misogynist remarks, get all punk rock on his ass and tell him to fuck off. If he calls you a bitch, don't take it personally – either his father didn't love him or his wife left him for a man with a bigger dick.

Here's the skinny; the vast majority of guys in the “punk scene” or whatever you want to call it aren't sexist, and probably love hanging out or being in bands with girls. We want to make shows comfortable and enjoyable for everyone, especially women. But if we don't know what's pissing you off, we can't do anything about it. So speak up, and together we can kick sexism out of punk rock.

Parenting tips from someone who has no intention of ever being a parent, part 1

Even though I have no intention of raising children, I bet I could make a damn good parent. Or at least a damn good parental councilor. Or a good "Uncle Drunky." Either way, here's my advice for parents/aspiring parents. I thought up a whole bunch of these, but it's pretty dense, so I've divided them into parts. Here's part 1

SUPER AWESOME PARENT TIPS GOOD TIME OKAY!!!!

Don't hit your kids-

For real yo, it doesn't work. Think about the message you're sending them: “Violence is bad, what you did is bad, and in order to stop you from being bad, I'm going to get violent.”

I'm tired of hearing this argument from parents who hit their kids. “My parents hit me and I turned out just fine.”

Yeah, just fine, except for your crippling lack of self esteem, extremely short temper and borderline alcoholic tendencies. Your parents thought hitting you was a good idea? Well your parents were wrong about a lot of things. They probably thought only gays and blacks could get AIDS, and look how that theory turned out. Even worse, your parents probably listened to either disco or the Sex Pistols. Marinate on that before coming back and telling me your folks were always right.

Want proof of the fact that beating your kids doesn't help? How about every single informed, relevant opinion? Don't get me wrong, I'm no expert on the matter, but all it takes is a grade 11 sociology course and a few wikipedia pages to come to the conclusion that virtually everyone who is or was since the mid 80's thinks hitting your kids is a bad idea.

“But what makes these so-called 'experts' think they can raise my children better than I can?”

Hmm, let me think... like 10 years at a prestigious university, plus 20-30 years in the field working with kids, conducting studies and reading medical literature? What do you have on that? Mother's intuition? A 5 minute segment you saw on FOX News where Bill O'Reilly screamed ideological bullshit while some poor fool mentally kicked himself in the ass for thinking he would be able to participate in a rational debate?

Get over yourself. If you think hitting your kids is a good idea, you're wrong. And if you think that disagreeing with the experts makes you a good ol' fashioned, red blooded American, then you're a good ol' fashioned moron.

Don't buy your kid useless, expensive shit-

Listen, don't buy your kid a “smartphone,” or a “tablet,” or any other buzz word Steve Jobbs uses to sell you overpriced garbage. I'm at the age now where some could argue I would need a phone with a browser, an extensive contact list, mp3 capability, a day planner, a GPS system etc. But I don't have one. Why? Because all that shit's just as completely unnessecary as it was two years ago, and I can think of way cooler things to spend $700 bucks on. As for a “tablet,” don't even get me started, I'd need a whole other page for that.

I remember back in Grade 6 when cellphones were becoming economically feasable for practically everyone to own. Phones like the Motorola Razor were on the market for like $150-200, and kids in my class were getting them for Christmas. I remember thinking then “what the hell is wrong with these people? What possible use could a Grade 6 have for a $200 phone?” Like fuck, these kids had four contacts on the thing.

Nowadays, the stakes are much higher. “Cool” phones don't run 200 bucks anymore-- as of right now the iPhone 4 is listed for $659 on Apple's Canadian website. That's a pretty hefty investment, especially when you factor in what the kid's gonna be using it for- texting the five people that actually give a shit about him, listening to three of the 59 songs on his iTunes library repeatedly, masturbating on the internet, and playing with apps that make farting noises.

And you know that as soon as Apple or RIM shits out a new piece of “modern technilogical wonder” some dad with more money than brains is gonna buy it for his kid. Then your offspring are gonna come home and bitch about how “Billy Johnson's dad bought him an Android 546XSP-3GR-2D2, he's way cooler than you.” Don't fall for that shit, stand strong. There are two very legitimate reasons your kid shouldn't be allowed to have the latest high tech gear.

1. You're going to turn your kid into a materialistic drone. Seriously, buying your kid all that stuff only gets the notion in their head that in order to be cool (which is the only thing on the planet that matters, thereby justifying their entire existence), they have to own the newest, most expensive piece of technology out there. Your kid might bitch now, but believe me, she'll thank you later when she's not part of the hive mind and only has moderate credit card debt due to the fact that her liberal arts degree can't get her a job anywhere but at the bank.

2. Your kid's gonna get jacked. When I was in Grade 2, some dickweed stole my Krazy Bones. When I was in Grade 3, another asshole stole my Pokemon cards. When I was in Grade 4, I didn't buy anything because my parents were tired of my shit getting jacked, and Digimon was gay. Now, not only is your kid a target for schoolyard bullies, he's also an easy target for legitimate criminals.

Lets say you buy your kid the basic, cheapest set of Apple shwag, The iPod 3GS, the 16 GB iPad and the 8 GB Nano (when people buy all three of these it makes my blood boil, because the iPhone performs the same functions as the others and more. Like FUCK! Get off Steve Jobb's dick). Your five foot even, 100 pound kid is walking around with $1,120 CDN worth of technology. Kids like to flaunt that stuff too. Chances are they're gonna be walking home with their headphones in, playing with their iPads, and if some asshole sees them, it's not gonna be hard to wrestle that from his weak little hands. And if there's nobody else there with him, it's not gonna be that much harder to pump him for all he's worth, which is practically two months rent. In fact... I'll be right back...

Anywho, even if your kid manages to be smart and not get robbed, there's a good chance he'll lose whatever you buy him. Looking back to Grade 6, I lost virtually everything I owned. Pencils, clothing, money, homework, my anal virginity (kidding). Seriously, I'm 20, and just the other day I lost my fucking pants at a party with my phone, my wallet, my iPod and like five bucks in it. I'd put everything I lost at about $305 tops. I payed for all of it myself, I'm gonna have to pay a FUCKTON to replace it, and my parents are probably furious anyways. Imagine how pissed you're gonna be when your 11-year-old loses his $700 “tablet” that you had to postpone your “parent's only weekend” to buy for him.

A good parent wouldn't put that kind of investment in their kid, no matter how badly they whine. If you have a grand to blow, why not take your kid on a vacation or something that they'll actually remember in six months when everyone else realizes how much money they wasted on the iPad (or whatever the Motorola version of it's called)? Seriously, take your kid to the zoo and the ball game-- get bitchin' seats and steak for dinner. That way your kid will have something to look back on with fond memories, not just something he's gonna pawn off for a half-quarter of shwag weed in three years.

So there you have it, parenting tips from someone who has no intention of ever raising kids. I have more interesting parenting tips for y'ass, but I've got better stuff to do right now. Peace.